The Beatles sang about “Love, Love, Love.” Tina Turner danced while extolling the question “What’s love got to do with it?” Bruce “The Boss” Springsteen crooned “Love is a crazy thing.” Throw the rice- write “just married” on the car with shaving cream…let’s face it- love is grand- until stuff happens.
Yes, love is grand- it’s just all the stuff that goes along with it that taints the water. We all go into a relationship with the idea that we will live and love happily ever after, or until stuff so unbearable happens we decide to call it quits. This is where the ugly part starts. As George Carlin used to say “whose gonna get my stuff?”
Let’s start before the marriage. A pre-nup or prenuptial agreement is a document drawn up before the blessed wedding day defining the relationship with regard to money, assets, liabilities, pets, rings, cars and anything that you come into the relationship with, or accumulate during the relationship but before the marriage. It goes a long way in preserving domestic relations, can be contested but usually holds up in the courts. It’s used to protect the parties in the chance that the marriage does not succeed, and to avoid the tumultuous time following the break-up (say it isn’t so) trying to determine who gets what. If you have ever been though a divorce, you know it’s not exactly a walk in the park. It must be signed, sealed and finalized before you enter into wedded bliss to be effective. But what happens if you were so blindly in love, got married and forgot to do a pre-nup?
Enter the post-nup. It’s pretty much like the pre-nup, but done after the wedding day: hence the terms pre and post. It does essentially the same thing, and is usually done after the wedding and honeymoon, where both parties realize they came into the union with their own stuff, and if it doesn’t work out they want to leave the relationship with the stuff they came in with. Or, they just want to make sure the other party does not leave with the their stuff. As a financial professional, I have seen my share of breakups where there was not a pre-determined agreement between the parties, and the arguments and litigation that ensued following the break-up was nasty.
Oh…what’s a D-nup you ask? It’s a new document being floated around with the “D” short for “Dating.” In today’s world of domestic partnerships and un-married partners living together, it’s an agreement similar to the pre-nup, but meant to outline the above, plus those issues involved with this particular time: who pays for the lease if one party moves out, loans that may have been entered into, defining gifts vs. loans, who pays for the moving party’s expenses, who gets the cat, dog or fish, and the myriad of issues involved with a dating couple.
It very important to consult an attorney or person with knowledge to advise you of your rights in any legal situation. In drafting an agreement, it is important to recognize that there are two types of state laws that govern divorce – equitable distribution, of which there are 41 states and 9 states that are some variation of community property. Know your rights, and be fair and kind to yourself and your partner. We’ve all been there…”how do I love thee- let me count the stuff”
