I recently had a meeting with clients who have been with us for over 20 years regarding the issues surrounding the aging of one of their parents; now well into their 90’s. Dad was in rehab from a nasty fall, and was soon ready to come back to his home, of which he resided in for over 50 years. The only problem was that Dad was experiencing some signs of dementia, mixing up his days and nights, and having problems recognizing family members and those things that should be so familiar. The meeting revolved around the issues surrounding where Dad should go from here, and the best way to take care of him. The issue of eldercare is never so prominent to the next generation as when we start experiencing the issues surrounding and involving it.
This is a tough time in any “child’s’ life when we come to the realization that our parents, those wonderful folks who taught us to eat, spell, and tie our shoes now need us to do it for them. While the options are many, we discussed the following:
Return to his home to continue living alone: Since he was not cognizant of the simple things around him and could present a danger to himself, this option is often eliminated.
Return to home with the assistance of an aide: A viable option for some, the children felt that a stranger might add to his frustration and confusion. Would he respond positively, or continue to shut down?
Bring him in live with us: In this case, it would not work because of stairs in the children’s home. Other issues are the care of the parent by children now in their 60’s, feeding, helping him perform his activities of daily living I.E. eating, dressing, toileting, moving from bed to chair, showering, etc.
Assisted living or Nursing Home residence: How do you tell a person who lived in the same place for 50 years that you are not going home, but to a new place where you go from a home to a room? Very hard…
This time in ones life is equally hard for both generations. It seems that no decision by the younger generation is “right.” Let’s be clear: it’s not about being “right or wrong,” but about treating our elders with love and respect. No all the decisions we made for our children went smoothly, nor felt good, but we did them to help them prepare for the life ahead of them. So now, the decisions, made with love and respect is to help our loved ones live their live on earth with the best of care and highest quality of life we can. Nobody said it would be easy, and not without tears- but always remember, if you come from a place of love and respect, you can’t go wrong.
